Evangelizing Our Children
The goal of parenting is not morality but regeneration. Morality does not give us new birth but rather new birth will produce morality. Therefore, our goal is to not have obedient, well-mannered children but to cultivate hearts that are fertile grounds for hearing the gospel. That is why we spend so much time talking about shepherding a child's heart.
Matt. 12:34 - "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
Matt. 15:18-19 - "But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander."
The child's behavior is just a manifestation of what's going on in the heart. Parents often times make the mistake of trying to change the behavior or the circumstances. Changing these things is not training in God's righteousness but instead training in self-righteousness. They fail to realize that this behavior, in whatever circumstance they're in, begins in the child's heart and that is what needs to be addressed.
Once you understand and acknowledge the heart issues in your child, then you are ready to sow the seeds of the gospel. And sowing these seeds should be a daily occurrence. When the gospel changes your child's heart, godly behavior will follow.
There are plenty of opportunities to share the gospel with your children but one of the most opportune times is during times of discipline. Discipline reveals the heart of a child. As a Christian parent, if you don't incorporate the gospel into your discipline, then you are likely to have grown, unredeemed moral children. For it is often the means of Christian parenting, training and discipline that God uses to bring about regeneration in the lives of our children.
Every time you discipline it is an opportunity to teach, correct and reinforce the gospel. During the discipline process, reveal their sinful heart (naming the specific sin), their separation from God, His consequences for sin and His provision for grace.
Let's consider this for a moment: Gal. 3:24 "The law was our schoolmaster (guardian) until Christ came..." Establishing a standard is the starting point of the gospel. God established a standard in the Garden of Eden to show man what he needed to do in order to be right with God. This standard revealed man's heart and his inadequacies to Christ and immediately man tried to fix the issue himself (moralism).
As parents, if we don't establish a standard, we are provoking our children to anger. And further more, if we are soft or inconsistent to the standards we have established, those standards are of no use; it would be better to not have any. You are teaching your children about God, no doubt, when you are parenting. However, what about God are you teaching them? If your children see you being soft or inconsistent to your established standards, what do you think they will think about God? That He is soft and inconsistent and they will mistake His patience and longsuffering as a tolerance of sin. And you have condemned your children with this kind of parenting.
How does God expect us to obey His commands? Does He give us a warning over and over again? Does He count to five before the consequence? Neither should we. We are to reflect God in our parenting, especially in disciplining. We are always training. Even if you ignore the behavior, you are training your children that the rules aren't really important.
In parenting, we are preparing to give our children over to God (ex: Hannah and Samuel). What we have established in our children is how they will respond to God. If we have tolerated rivalry, talking back, non-submissiveness and competitiveness to our authority, that is how they will respond to God. And He will hold us accountable for our training.
John 14:15 - "If you love me you will keep my commandments." This is our motivation.
We express our love for God through obedience. We must train our children to do the same: obedience to us (parents) is obedience to God. Love should guide our discipline. God disciplines us because He loves us, likewise, we should tell our children that we discipline them because we love them.
John 1:12-13 "But to all who did receive Him, who believed His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." We cannot give our children new life, they cannot earn it, they cannot buy it. Therefore, we, as parents, must rely solely on God to breath new life into their dead sinful hearts. Humility is what is needed for new birth. You are humbled when you are not thinking high of yourself. It is our job to make the ground fertile by teaching and practicing humility to our children. How do we do this?
Incorporate scripture into everything, not just discipline. Seize every opportunity God gives as a way to show your children His power, His justice, His grace.
Here are some examples of how we use Scripture with our children:
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind one to another” – we used this a lot when they were little and were arguing and fighting with each other.
Psalm 19:1 “The heavens declare the glory of God” – God uses creation to show Himself and we often walk right by not seeing Him. Use creation to show your children who God is.
Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath” – I must use this for myself, when I am feeling impatient and answering my children with harsh words.
Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” You can find me on most mornings waking up my children with this verse.
May God give you wisdom to discern your child's heart, diligence to discipline them and opportunities to seize for the sake of the Gospel.
Matt. 12:34 - "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
Matt. 15:18-19 - "But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander."
The child's behavior is just a manifestation of what's going on in the heart. Parents often times make the mistake of trying to change the behavior or the circumstances. Changing these things is not training in God's righteousness but instead training in self-righteousness. They fail to realize that this behavior, in whatever circumstance they're in, begins in the child's heart and that is what needs to be addressed.
Once you understand and acknowledge the heart issues in your child, then you are ready to sow the seeds of the gospel. And sowing these seeds should be a daily occurrence. When the gospel changes your child's heart, godly behavior will follow.
There are plenty of opportunities to share the gospel with your children but one of the most opportune times is during times of discipline. Discipline reveals the heart of a child. As a Christian parent, if you don't incorporate the gospel into your discipline, then you are likely to have grown, unredeemed moral children. For it is often the means of Christian parenting, training and discipline that God uses to bring about regeneration in the lives of our children.
Every time you discipline it is an opportunity to teach, correct and reinforce the gospel. During the discipline process, reveal their sinful heart (naming the specific sin), their separation from God, His consequences for sin and His provision for grace.
Let's consider this for a moment: Gal. 3:24 "The law was our schoolmaster (guardian) until Christ came..." Establishing a standard is the starting point of the gospel. God established a standard in the Garden of Eden to show man what he needed to do in order to be right with God. This standard revealed man's heart and his inadequacies to Christ and immediately man tried to fix the issue himself (moralism).
As parents, if we don't establish a standard, we are provoking our children to anger. And further more, if we are soft or inconsistent to the standards we have established, those standards are of no use; it would be better to not have any. You are teaching your children about God, no doubt, when you are parenting. However, what about God are you teaching them? If your children see you being soft or inconsistent to your established standards, what do you think they will think about God? That He is soft and inconsistent and they will mistake His patience and longsuffering as a tolerance of sin. And you have condemned your children with this kind of parenting.
How does God expect us to obey His commands? Does He give us a warning over and over again? Does He count to five before the consequence? Neither should we. We are to reflect God in our parenting, especially in disciplining. We are always training. Even if you ignore the behavior, you are training your children that the rules aren't really important.
In parenting, we are preparing to give our children over to God (ex: Hannah and Samuel). What we have established in our children is how they will respond to God. If we have tolerated rivalry, talking back, non-submissiveness and competitiveness to our authority, that is how they will respond to God. And He will hold us accountable for our training.
John 14:15 - "If you love me you will keep my commandments." This is our motivation.
We express our love for God through obedience. We must train our children to do the same: obedience to us (parents) is obedience to God. Love should guide our discipline. God disciplines us because He loves us, likewise, we should tell our children that we discipline them because we love them.
John 1:12-13 "But to all who did receive Him, who believed His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." We cannot give our children new life, they cannot earn it, they cannot buy it. Therefore, we, as parents, must rely solely on God to breath new life into their dead sinful hearts. Humility is what is needed for new birth. You are humbled when you are not thinking high of yourself. It is our job to make the ground fertile by teaching and practicing humility to our children. How do we do this?
Incorporate scripture into everything, not just discipline. Seize every opportunity God gives as a way to show your children His power, His justice, His grace.
Here are some examples of how we use Scripture with our children:
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind one to another” – we used this a lot when they were little and were arguing and fighting with each other.
Psalm 19:1 “The heavens declare the glory of God” – God uses creation to show Himself and we often walk right by not seeing Him. Use creation to show your children who God is.
Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath” – I must use this for myself, when I am feeling impatient and answering my children with harsh words.
Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” You can find me on most mornings waking up my children with this verse.
May God give you wisdom to discern your child's heart, diligence to discipline them and opportunities to seize for the sake of the Gospel.
Tags: discipline, evangelizing, parenting, training
